Wednesday Rant With Some Of Stef's Ugly Sidelines......

OK.  I realize that I should be super sensitive to the situation here, but my kids don't read this, and I'm not going to say anything that they don't already know.

To recap, my ex husband died.  Turns out, that I am next of kin since I am the boys guardian. (I'm still maintaining that he's still married to his second wife but no one's listening to me, whatever. ) So this means I have to sign some papers, etc.  Fine.  I can do that. 

His sister has been obsessing handling most of the details.  His brother wanted to be involved, but he's a putz they can't agree on anything.  He started calling my house at random completely inappropriate times and I not so nicely told him to F-off that we had everything that we needed here and the kids and I were fine.  Both of them did agree, however, that they wanted my input so it would be as easy for the kids as possible.

Anyway, in trying to find a funeral home, there were many choices tossed around. I insisted asked to not use the home 1 mile from our house so the boys would not have to pass it 17 times a day every day .  I offered two other homes instead.  Guess which one they are going with?

Then, there was the choosing of the urns. Why the f do you need more than one urn anyway?  She chose two small heart shaped ones for the boys, another two for her parents, and was supposed to choose one large one to rent for the memorial.  Instead, she decided that she was going to buy several little ones and give cousins, aunts and family friends ashes in small urns.  Like party favors.  Needless to say, the funeral home called me horrified, and said legally it was my call.  I said that if she wanted to totally throw her money away on the small ones for the boys, and the ones for her parents, that was fine, but the rest were to go in a large urn, to be taken after the service. 

Here's the thing.  My ex wanted to be cremated, and his ashes be put into the ocean.  ALL of his ashes.  He didn't want to go and be missing his right arm or big toe because Uncle Joe wanted something sitting on the mantle.  We discussed this.  Multiple times.

My kids also feel this way.  They love the idea of putting him in the ocean and having their grandparents put some in the ocean in Florida.  Oldest wants to keep a small amount of the ashes until he's ready to let go.  I'm OK with that, it's on his time, but ultimately he will go into the ocean.  But dammit, I knew that somehow that bastard would figure out a way to live in this house.Youngest is furious that anyone would want to do anything different.

And yet, their Aunt still thinks this is no big deal.

In the end, the boys and I will be disposing of our portion in our own special extremely personal way.  If they chose to disregard his wishes AND his children's wishes, so be it.  But you better believe, I'm putting it on them and making them feel like shit about it.

Then she wanted to make a video of pictures to play at the service.  I supplied photos for this as they have no recent photos of the boys becasue they don't really give too craps about them until something happens.  When she asked what music should be chosen for it, I knew that the boys had a "soundtrack" of Dad songs, so I checked with them.  Turns out, she had already chosen two of the 3 songs.  Let me just say here that the boys song choice was either "Kryptonite" or "Love ME When I'm Gone" by 3 Doors Down.  Their Dad was a hard core rocker and borderline metal head,  the louder the better.

She chose "Amazing Grace" and "Would You Know My Name, If You Saw Me In Heaven?"

I'll pause here while you regain your composure.

She also wanted to set up a memorial account in lieu of flowers.  She told me this at 8pm last night, and it had to be done before noon today so it could make the obituary.  Because I don't have to work or anything. She was going to set this account up for the boys,  but in doing so, she would need all their personal info and she would be have to be the executor. No way in F-ing hell.  Um,  no. I'll take care of that, Thanks. So I took an extra hour out of my day, and called everyone necessary to get it all done.

Then she decided to let me know she had booked a restaurant for after the memorial.  It's a Chinese Food place that their family uses for everything.  And I mean EVERYTHING.  I even had to have my  wedding rehearsal dinner there.  I informed her that we would not be going.  Shocked, she asked why.  Um, Hello?  We can't eat Chinese.  Their food is not Gluten Free and Oldest doesn't like it.  She freaking chose and booked a restaurant that his CHILDREN can't eat at.

*sigh*

I am quickly remembering why I left this entire world behind. 

If you need me, the boys and I will be making paper mache rocks we can fill with whatever ashes are left over ashes and throw into the tide, like they did when they were little. After of course, we go to the memorial extravaganza and eat a nice meal at a restaurant of my son's choosing.