Seems the sister thought that my signing to release the body meant that I was releasing myself from everything.
Everything.
Like access to the toxicology reports.
Like the death certificate.
Like applying for Social Security for the kids.
Like all financial access to what they deserve.
I was married to the family for almost 10 years. Do they think I've learned nothing?
His mother won't so much as pick up the phone to call me. She kept saying to the funereal director that there were people who wanted to see the boys. Her response was, "This is not a family reunion. If they want to see the kids, it should have happened years ago."
The boys and I were up late last night scrap booking a page for framing to remember their dad. We will bring it to the service, and when we get home, hang it on the walls of their rooms. Oddly enough, for them it was both therapeutic and definitive if that makes any sense. The funeral home is making sure they have a place to display them both so they can share what all the pictures and mementos mean.
Have I said how much I like this lady?
She will be dropping by their portion of the cremains, today. They are not allowed to pick up theirs until tomorrow to avoid any insanity. This means that the boys can get rid of their part privately, which is exactly how they want to do it.
And don't worry, the funeral director is also ensuring that we get extremely clean cremains (No screws ad bolts, evidently from the box they use) and the best parts of him. Parts like his bald head, his hugging arms, and his big smile.
The family can have his butt and smelly feet.
The boys think that is hysterical.
Good to know you and your boys can find laughter through all of this.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what I'd do if I had to deal with someone like that sister! Did she think she could get their survivor's benefits or something? It doesn't work that way and wth?
I had to chuckle at the butt and smelly feet. I'm sure that is more than what they deserve.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. And feeling a little strange chuckling through this post...but I did.
ReplyDeleteLove the way you put things.... and yes they can have his butt and smelly feet..... LOL.
ReplyDeleteI'm growling at the sister.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm thinking you're the best mom ever.
I typically sum it up like this.... "oh they/she/he is struggling to evolve, stuck on the bottom like a scavenger. i have no time for you scavenger! learn, grow and then, maybe... we'll talk"
ReplyDeletedid I ever tell you I ate part of my son's remains... (weird, I know but I'm also guessing you get it). it was a bone and now... I'm hoping it was a bone from his chest - a bone that shielded his heart. so hope I didn't swallow a butt bone! :) xoMonkeyME
I'm not thinking that teh sister wanted the benifits for her so much as she wanted control.
ReplyDeleteThat what this family does... they control stuff.
In fairness they are grieving. But their grief is not mine, nor is it the boys. And that is what I'm focused on, protecting them from their grief, from the misguided grief that will undoubtedly be thrown back at me tonight, and allowing them to gerif their OWN grief in what ever way they see fit.
Hang strong, sister. You are a rock.
ReplyDeleteHumor is my go-to way to deal with things. I'm so sorry, Julianna.
ReplyDeleteYou'll get through it... just a few more hours, and it'll be over. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteIf you have custody of the boys [ie they are living with you] you receive the SS - you have to file for it. You don't need a death certificate to do so, simply a letter from the office of Vital Statistics in your state stating he is deceased. Your sil cannot file for SS unless she is raising the boys. Since your ex OD'd having a toxilogy report or cause of death isn't tanamount right now because his cause of death isn't a heredity occurrence that effects the kids later in life. I am sure in time you will have access to those things, but for now just file for the letter.
ReplyDelete[Yes, I know way too much about this.]
I know it is hard, but eventually it will be better just to distance from them [a family reunion? It's a funeral for goodness sakes! they're crazy] You are doing a great job of deflecting it from the boys and I know they will be better for it.
Just hang in there and know you are doing it right. Good luck.
hmmmmmmm and maybe his smelly feet will be up his own butt ;0)
ReplyDeleteDeath sometimes brings out the worst in people.
(((hugs to all)))Pat
Meet me in Heaven, girl. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteI bet you can't wait until this is all over with!! Love your theory on the butt and smelly feet. Good to keep that sense of humor shining bright!
ReplyDeleteHope the kids can cope in their own way, in time.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about everything.
What a good mom. Please contact Social Security as soon as possible and apply for the boys' benefits.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Lola
You are the BEST.MOM.EVER! What an unselfish heart you have to allow the boys to see whatevr good they can in their father. Kudos to you for helping them celerate life by making the memorial frames, protecting the boys from further pain, and not just ripping the heads off your ex-in-laws. You really are incredible!
ReplyDeleteI would definitely place my bets on your ability to protect your boys and do what you think it right for them regardless of what any of the other ass hats think about it.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad they found something to laugh about..
ReplyDelete